more self pity. Loving these blogs.

Hmm, something is wrong with the picture posting feature. Too bad. I had a nice screen shot of the weather in H.B. versus the weather in Brooklyn. Would you beleive it was warmer in Brooklyn than it was in Huntington Beach!!!?

Today has been an interesting day. Lately I guess I've been feeling run down and feeling sorry for myself. Don't know what to say or how to act. There is always more that one can do but to what extent? How much influence can a person exert to make things happen to change one's desposition in this world?

I suppose I've always been a passive person. A person more geared toward having life unfold rather than taking it by the horns. Is that an excuse? Or is it a conditioning of my previous life experiences?... And to what point does a person move beyond this conditioning?

Most times I'm feeling angry and other times I forget about the issues I have to deal with and am able to enjoy being back east. I wish I could spend more time enjoying my time here rather than thinking of the past or of my jobless ness. I'm always feeling that I should have prepared better. I can say live and learn but it's getting to the point where I don't have many more years to learn or live.

I wish I could be more present in this life than always wondering about the what ifs. Or could've beens. I see what's in front of me but yet I can't take the steps to get me going. What do they call that? Kinetics? My kinetic energy is that I always need a kick in the arse to get going. I will need to work on that.

Well, I'll endeavor to pray and to continue to have hope. but some times that seems so trite. But I suppose who am I to question the will of God. Need to put my pride aside and be patient.

adios,
vin